Thank You for Calling The Company!

Thank you for calling The Company!! All calls might be recorded for quality assurance. Please listen carefully as our options have recently changed.

For alarm – Press 1.

For test – Press 2.

For technical assistance – Press 3.

To receive data – Press 4.

For billing – Press 5.

For new service and to add protection – Press 6.

To reach the local office – Press 7.

For all other inquiries stay on the line. The next available representative will be with you shortly.

All representatives are busy assisting other customers. We apologize for the delay. Your call is very important to us.

Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.

Imi fac curaj si Press 5. In definitiv am schimbat continente, servicii si state americane. Ce rau se poate intampla?

For questions – Press 1.

To cancel service – Press 2.

Please listen carefully as our options have recently changed.

If you know your party’s extension press pound.

If you are an account – Press 1.

If you are the government – Press 2.

If you have a quest regarding data source – Press 3.

Zvonurile spun sa nu te uiti niciodata inapoi.

 Press 1 and breathe.

If you are a commercial account – Press 1.

If you are a syntromatic (?) – Press 2.

If you are an advanced service, formally advanced integration – Press 3.

 ?

If you want to make a payment – Press 1.

If you want to request a copy of contract – Press 2.

If you want to speak to a representative – Press 3.

3

All our representatives are busy assisting other customers. Do you know you can make a payment using our website, doubleiudoubleiudoubleiu.thecompany.com?

If you want to leave a message – Press 1.

If you want to speak to a live representative – Press 2.

We appreciate your patience. You have reached The Company! Estimated waiting time 20 minutes.

Thank you for holding. All our representatives are busy assisting other customers. We apologize for the delay. Your call is important to us!

Do you know that in today’s economy finding new ways to maximize…. …. …. which will all reflect directly in your bottom line.

Piano music.

Whenever you have a challenge, an issue, or you need to find a creative way to accomodate  new demands, you know you can count on us. What separates us from the rest is our passion to provide personalized customer service. This is sharper thinking.

Music.

Thank you for holding. All our representatives are currently busy assisting other customers. Your call is important to us. Did you know that you can manage all your payments and inquiries through our website, doubleiu doubleiu doubleiu the company dot com? You can also request quotes and make amendments to you current service.

Estimated waiting time 7 minutes. If you’d like to leave a message please press pound now. If you like to speak to a live representative please stay on the line.

Hi, this is Mike, how may I help you?

Hi Mike, I am a sensitive person, doing this job in an athletic country.  First name Amalia – The Fado Singer. De aici melancolia.

Mike nu aude. We have a bad connection, constata el.

I-am pus o intrebare grea si cred ca vrea sa scape de mine. Tasteaza cu zgomot in sistem. We are in and out, anunta. Would you mind hanging up and calling again?

Il pierd pe Mike!

Mile, listen! I can speak louder. I know I can. Do you think this might work?? Mike crede ca nu. I was in line for one hour!!!!

Mike, suna-ma tu. Six five zero. Imi adun fermitatea. Mike nu trebuie sa simta slabiciune.

 Ne dam jos de pe aparat.

Imi aduc aminte cum mi-au furat pescarusii pizza si mi-au zdruncinat increderea in oameni. De ce m-ar suna Mike inapoi? Pescarusi vanjosi si flamanzi de februarie, hraniti din bunavointe si ezitari. Imi aduc aminte cum m-am intors langa cuptor cu povestea si am primit alta felie, gratis, condimentatata cu incredere proaspata.

 Mike suna si avem un dialog lamuritor.

***

Din abisurile posetei mai suna un telefon. Unul pe care mi l-au dat cu forta si acuma mi-l iau cu forta si nu vreau sa-l dau inapoi.

No health insurance or do not qualify????? But wait, help in on the way! Call us today!! There might be some waiting time due to the tremendous volume of response we get. We appreciate you patience!

Kafka. „Characters in a terrifying quest.” „Labyrinth of bureaucracy and mystical transformation.”

Sau poate Beckett? Vladimir + Estragon. Cineva trebuie sa inteleaga.

Pound.

#

De nu stiu unde mai vine amintirea unei voci corporate dresate sa raspandeasca entuziasm fara hotare ca ma aude in receptor. Nu facem rezervari, zice vocea catre sofisticarea persoanei mele care nu rataceste la intamplare, vrea sa stie de dinainte ca da. Atunci??…  Veniti si intrati.

La noroc?

La noroc.

It works.